Wells.. Christmas just ended.. well 2 days ago anyway..
M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S for the last time in 2oo8.
Hmm you know.. sometimes I can't help but feel sad knowing its the end of 2oo8. Cause.. you can never return back to the year "2oo8" It's in your memory and it'd be lost there forever.. and in a couple of years or centuries later.. year 2oo8 could be completely forgotten.. and well nothing but the "past" to the majority of people. Sure, there maybe many events that had happen this year, that made it's way onto the path of history for our next generations to come, but knowing that we don't become part of the history, living in this era, in the future we're probably nothing but statistics left.. It's weird.. it's like knowing that in the future we're just.. the past nothing less nothing more.. just past.. Like passerbys.. You know? When you walk pass people? Like parallel lines... sometimes I get that sort of feeling... but then I don't know how to explain it cause it's not exactly parallel lines either.. It's like that feeling... I don't really know how to explain it. It's like the wind, it's there and once it's passed by, it doesn't return, like.. stars too, there never the same 2 stars in two consecutive nights, as it dies out within that night. It makes me think, about my own self worth I suppose. I want to be able to leave a dent in the history... not forgotten, but at the same time, I believe it's only natures way.. the "normal" thing, it's more of how things should be, we shouldn't be living past our set time, but at the same time I don't want to just "live" in our time but to be remembered...Because if I'm to be forgotten completely by the future.. it makes me feel uncomfortable cause.. it makes me feel my existence seem so...
Maybe I'm just all ugh whats that word? I think it started with S.. well anyhow I was never the best speller ...>_>;;
I don't know.. I guess when you think of it, the end isn't really an end but rather a new beginning.. but still, I can't shake that feeling off either. Sigh, I do try to analyse these emotions of mine and actually understand what it is I'm "feeling" or what it is that I'm actually thinking of.. but sometimes it's so.. abstract that.. I really don't know.. -_________________________________-;; Shoot me.. I'm overthinking again..
But seriously, when I looked back at the years I've lived through so far (the ones I can remember), it's rather sad you know.. although I know that I can't know everyone that passes me by but doesn't it ever strike you this "odd" feeling, like the passed years I've met so many people, and sometimes it's even short meetings, like people from the library or people from school you know the names of, but then back to the end of 2oo8 it's like.. you'll never see them again.. sort of thing..Uhh do you get what I mean? No? Thought not.. I'm not that good at expressing my self I suppose.. But I do prefer typing things up that saying things.. It's easier to express than to say it.. Odd huh? and you'd think I'd be good at english too.. but.. ahah I'm failing english.. we'll probably "failed" it.
Oh gee! Ahaha I just realised how sad/depressing the stuff I said before was )=. My bad.
Onwards to the days ahead of me~! Ahaha, I don't like the fact that I forget things so easily xD To be honest.. sometimes I do wish there was some sort of replay button that lets us replay things.. Sigh.. that'll be odd tho.. cause then... you'd have been like "OMGee I HAD BEEN stalkered!" or something similar xD.
So, its the holidays.. and I havn't done a thing that's productive Dx~ The daily routine when I don't have anywhere to go to is --> Wake up, eat, computer, maybe eat again, and sleep. And the continuous route.. Sighh
Well, yesterday was boxing day you know? Well no probably not.. and if you don't know what boxing day is, it's the 26th December, and that's the day we open our presents and go out for shopping cause, on Christmas all shops close xD so the sale is on the day after =P And we go shopping =D I bought the earrings I always wanted.. they said there was none left but then some how they got the pair ;o So I bought it.. I don't think i'm going to care whether it looks more boyish than girlii, or even if other people may have it and it'll clash or something.. I'm just glad i got it =) Mum paid 2/3rds of it (I think it's 2/3rds ) <3
But I feel really bad.. cause lately I've felt like I use too much of her money.
Uhh I don't know if this is those sort of New Year resolutions or anything. But its near the end of the year like.. 4 days of year 2oo8 left. I will game play and slack off as much as I can until the end, but in return I want to be more hard working next year! I'm going to aim higher even though I might fall harder, I want to say "This time I really tried my best" Disappointed or not, I want to give it my all xD.
Because 2oo8 won't come again, and 2oo9 won't either, if it has to become a memory, at least I want to make use of it.
The older I grow, the more I think time is going faster. It's not that it really gone faster... it's more like I've started to realise that time keeps going even if we stop and stand still. And there is no way of returning to the time before. I really am envious you know.. of those who have plans for their future, have ambitions, have things they can work towards, even if I want to try harder or work harder.. I don't really have anything to walk towards.. It's like endless wandering... Actually I'll save that for another post sometime.
I think I'll update Lj, for the next 4 days =)
It's a weird feeling I feel, I don't really know what it is..but I just know I can't let it go It's too precious Hold on tight and I'd crush it, Hold on lightly and it'll fly away A birth of a new year, Not exactly the death of this year but this year will never come back. I don't know.. It's a very mixed emotion.. Haha Maybe when I'm even older, I'll be able to tell you exactly what I feel.
Until then~ Your Stuck with half explained emotions =)
OH gee! this was supposed to be a thought blog not a emotional blog )=<
Ho wells~ It's part of me anyway =) Guess I'll have to embrace that bit of me ahaha =D
Jya ne~
--Rii.<3_``
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